Well it has been a while since I last took time to write but let me further my free fall with some holiday banter. Christmas has come and gone and minus a few thousand dollars all is back to normal in the world. But I wanted to reflect on the concept of what Christmas is and why it was so much better when I was young. Call it blissful ignorance but when I was a kid I lived for Christmas. What could be better than coming together with those you loved and giving those you care about gifts as tokens of your love…plus getting some for yourself is always great too.
But the older I have gotten it all has lost its spectacular dazzle and is now more of a dread then a joy. Why? I guess I just care too much about how it should be; those who I grew up with and loved so dearly aren’t close anymore…like silhouettes of their former selves ruined by time (or the lack thereof) and their own flaws. Why do we get so caught up in the every day things of life that we fail to remember the true meaning of Christmas…spending time with one another and showing each our love…and it is a principle of how we should live everyday not just once a year.
Still we don’t get it, we run around acting like we care but in truth we are too busy. And how can we say we care when we place so many other things in greater importance than those we love? Such a sad state we all become and thus the things which are symbols of what we really should be are lost to us. I mean it is hard enough to get my immediate family together much less all the others. I guess I just live in a dream world where things like family and spending time together is something all should care about. Sure as we grow each of us will start our own new families and maybe this is all such a drag because I haven’t started my own. I just guess I long for those better days when everyone I cared about was still there. But I don’t fault them as my lack of effort and busy schedule are just as much the real problem.
At least I have found the person I will spend my life with, even with my flaws she loves me and won’t leave me…crazy I know. But maybe I am in the middle of the storm, catching a moment to gain perspective and then heading into my own little world again with new faces and a fresh outlook. Hopefully.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
My Unattainable Nirvana
Well, I have continued my sickly state of being this year with yet another round of something that just won’t go away (Is very tired of being sick). Anyway, I have been into a lot lately, I finished an old wallpaper and just need to submit it around but I haven’t had the time. I also did another vector, Ulquiorra Schiffer from Bleach. I so love that anime! The character design is just right up my alley. It makes me happy as I am starting to get the hang of things and really feel like I am making some ground way in the world of graphic design.
Anyway I also have been working on the gallery system but it is just one problem after another. Mainly with the menu, I keep getting it to the point I think I am done and very happy with it but then I notice some other little quirk and it is back to the drawing board. At this rate I will never finish it. None the less I am learning and getting good practice at it. I need to ask the site owner how to get the MySql database installed on the server so I can start the coding aspect of things. But soon enough, egh?
My personal finances aren’t getting any better, not that I am drowning…just not making it to the point of getting out of debt like I would like to. So back to a new job with better pay! But it is hard looking for a better paying job, especially when I feel I need much more experience than I currently have. Life is just blah sometimes. But I am going to do a phone interview today so maybe something good will come out of it. Problem is that it is another finance job and I am looking to get OUT of the finance world…>_<
Whatever, my post is entitled “My Unattainable Nirvana” since I just have this feeling Nirvana is much too far away and unattainable at the moment. Really I am feeling like my perfect state of being is just never going to happen. I am never going to reach where I want to be…does that make me stupid for trying? Sometimes I think so.
Falling down the rabbit hole with weights on my back.
Anyway I also have been working on the gallery system but it is just one problem after another. Mainly with the menu, I keep getting it to the point I think I am done and very happy with it but then I notice some other little quirk and it is back to the drawing board. At this rate I will never finish it. None the less I am learning and getting good practice at it. I need to ask the site owner how to get the MySql database installed on the server so I can start the coding aspect of things. But soon enough, egh?
My personal finances aren’t getting any better, not that I am drowning…just not making it to the point of getting out of debt like I would like to. So back to a new job with better pay! But it is hard looking for a better paying job, especially when I feel I need much more experience than I currently have. Life is just blah sometimes. But I am going to do a phone interview today so maybe something good will come out of it. Problem is that it is another finance job and I am looking to get OUT of the finance world…>_<
Whatever, my post is entitled “My Unattainable Nirvana” since I just have this feeling Nirvana is much too far away and unattainable at the moment. Really I am feeling like my perfect state of being is just never going to happen. I am never going to reach where I want to be…does that make me stupid for trying? Sometimes I think so.
Falling down the rabbit hole with weights on my back.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Where have I been?
Ok so like I am way too busy for my own good here lately…I mean I can’t even find time to update this thing anymore :( None-the-less here I is! I had my 1 year anniversary with my lovely girlfriend on the 17th and then her 19th B-Day on the 23rd on top of all the other crazy busy things in my life! I bought her a nice little diamond bracelet and took her to see “The Crucible.” She likes plays and I do as well so it was a good fit, she really wants to see the “Phantom of the Opera” at the Majestic Theater in New York. At this point that is a little out of my price range and since we couldn’t spend the night…very pricey. Hopefully one day though!
Anyway, I have this big EDI (Electronic Data Interchange) project I have been working on my job for IDK like 6-9 months and have finally reached the point I am testing the final leg of it. Hopefully we will be “live” with it in October ^_^ Unfortunately, I will be move right into the next really big project and it proves to really test my knowledge and limits…blah, lol. I do want a new job and if I can get some free time I will get one. Not that I don’t like where I am, it is just that I am underpaid and disagree with some of the moves that company is making as a whole. With it being in textiles…not a good outlook in terms of staying power either.
The gallery project is coming along slowly but surely hopefully I can find some time to work on it this weekend. I want to get the database up and going and transferred to the server. From there I can start on the coding aspects. For now I have done a little bit in terms of GFX for the different gallery sections but the coding is going to be the challenging part. With so many things to code…going to be interesting!
Till next time…me keeps falling down the rabbit hole!
Anyway, I have this big EDI (Electronic Data Interchange) project I have been working on my job for IDK like 6-9 months and have finally reached the point I am testing the final leg of it. Hopefully we will be “live” with it in October ^_^ Unfortunately, I will be move right into the next really big project and it proves to really test my knowledge and limits…blah, lol. I do want a new job and if I can get some free time I will get one. Not that I don’t like where I am, it is just that I am underpaid and disagree with some of the moves that company is making as a whole. With it being in textiles…not a good outlook in terms of staying power either.
The gallery project is coming along slowly but surely hopefully I can find some time to work on it this weekend. I want to get the database up and going and transferred to the server. From there I can start on the coding aspects. For now I have done a little bit in terms of GFX for the different gallery sections but the coding is going to be the challenging part. With so many things to code…going to be interesting!
Till next time…me keeps falling down the rabbit hole!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
New Day, New Project
Ok, so it has been like FOREVER since I updated this thing…life is just so darn busy. I am finishing up all my outstanding projects for my Uncle’s company Thursday. I will be so very glad to be done! But crazy little old me doesn’t know how to take a break so I am jumping right into the next one s_s
This will be an awesome opportunity for me and hopefully it will go much better than my last side job. <_< Basically I love web design and am really big into starting to work in the field. My passion at the moment is Anime…put the two together and bam! Happiness! Now don’t get me wrong I don’t have the time to run a site…but I have this site I have been on forever and just talked the owner into allowing me the opportunity to try and upgrade the gallery! Ding Ding Ding! Jackpot! …However not all is perfect in wonderland. This is a big undertaking and there are very serious issues to over come.
The site uses a “bought” package for the “forum” and a separate “bought” package for the gallery. The gallery system pulls from the forum one and then processes the updated information back to the forum (for select cases).
To achieve the results I want out of the gallery I will have to use the gallery package as a reference and basically remake it without copyright infringing upon or voiding the current gallery system…that isn’t too bad or hard…but here is where things get icky.
For the new system to work with my “perfect” vision…I will need to fully integrate it into the forum system. Where this is an issue is in 2 things. First do we void our warranty, support or copyright infringe upon the forum system if we mod it? Second when we go to upgrade the forum to the latest version…will our gallery still work :/
The answer to the first one is no, they fully support modding of their product as long as you are stating it is a “plug-in” and not claiming the board as your own work. Ok not much of an issue.
The second is maybe, if they change major functions, database structures or the upgrade refreshes (over writes the old one) the code for the forum then we have to reapply all the changes for the gallery to still function.
That would require loads of work each time we upgrade and the owner is going to want to upgrade! The alternative would be to custom write the forum as well and well lets just say that isn’t an option…at all.
On to blurred vision, lol.
Basically I write the gallery to be a separate system much like it is now…I just have to write the gallery pages and tables to calculate much of the same information as the forum already has and then send updates to the gallery database…leaving as much as possible in the gallery system…this makes things a bit harder but it will still work. I will still need to update the main forum tables but not have to touch the code behind the pages.
I dunno, we will see how it goes… till then more free falling now the rabbit hole.
This will be an awesome opportunity for me and hopefully it will go much better than my last side job. <_< Basically I love web design and am really big into starting to work in the field. My passion at the moment is Anime…put the two together and bam! Happiness! Now don’t get me wrong I don’t have the time to run a site…but I have this site I have been on forever and just talked the owner into allowing me the opportunity to try and upgrade the gallery! Ding Ding Ding! Jackpot! …However not all is perfect in wonderland. This is a big undertaking and there are very serious issues to over come.
The site uses a “bought” package for the “forum” and a separate “bought” package for the gallery. The gallery system pulls from the forum one and then processes the updated information back to the forum (for select cases).
To achieve the results I want out of the gallery I will have to use the gallery package as a reference and basically remake it without copyright infringing upon or voiding the current gallery system…that isn’t too bad or hard…but here is where things get icky.
For the new system to work with my “perfect” vision…I will need to fully integrate it into the forum system. Where this is an issue is in 2 things. First do we void our warranty, support or copyright infringe upon the forum system if we mod it? Second when we go to upgrade the forum to the latest version…will our gallery still work :/
The answer to the first one is no, they fully support modding of their product as long as you are stating it is a “plug-in” and not claiming the board as your own work. Ok not much of an issue.
The second is maybe, if they change major functions, database structures or the upgrade refreshes (over writes the old one) the code for the forum then we have to reapply all the changes for the gallery to still function.
That would require loads of work each time we upgrade and the owner is going to want to upgrade! The alternative would be to custom write the forum as well and well lets just say that isn’t an option…at all.
On to blurred vision, lol.
Basically I write the gallery to be a separate system much like it is now…I just have to write the gallery pages and tables to calculate much of the same information as the forum already has and then send updates to the gallery database…leaving as much as possible in the gallery system…this makes things a bit harder but it will still work. I will still need to update the main forum tables but not have to touch the code behind the pages.
I dunno, we will see how it goes… till then more free falling now the rabbit hole.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The project that just won’t go away.
Just a little upset right now, I have taken 2 days of vacation to finish up the server installation project I have been working on and unfortunitly I still have more work to do on it. So another half of day of vacation is what I am bound for. What a sucky way to spend you vacation, I mean thus far I have spent 70 + hours of my time for chump change (not even minimum wage at this point) and they have the audacity to go behind my back and get a quote for installing wireless. THEN ask me if that is a good deal, when that is what they originally wanted me to do for them and THEY decided not to do, what audacity. I should have let them pay the additional 500 bucks to get it done (I did it in under 1 minute, free of charge). It is just such a smack to my face to have them place so little confidence in me when all the problems I have had were hardware/software related and not my ignorance. I just want this to be done.
Anyway, on to something else…I have decided that I must sell my anime collection. 4000+ dollars worth of stuff…cries. But I have no choice, what is the point of keeping things that I may never watch again when I can sell them and get some kind of return for it? So after looking at Ebay and some other sites that actually buy your used DVD’s (for next to nothing I might add <_<) it was determined Amazon is my friend. I knew I wasn’t going to get what I paid for them and there is the risk no one will buy them but what was it going to hurt to try?
So Amazon lets me set the price allowing me to see what others have theirs listed at and all for a 15% fee at time of sale. They give you 2.98 per listing worth of shipping credit, no big deal but that is about the average shipping costs for USPS. After listing every thing in my collection, it all comes to 2,800 retail or 2,600ish take home (before actual shipping charges). So I might wind up with about 2 grand all said and done. Not bad, but will they sale? After 8 days I have had 18 orders as follows:
Total Payments Received: USD 373.62
Total Payments Canceled: USD 35.98
Total Payment Fees: USD -88.30
Grand Total: USD 321.30
Not bad at all and hopefully the rest will sale just the same. If you are interested here is my storefront! Please help a brother out? lol
My Amazon Storefront
Anyway, on to something else…I have decided that I must sell my anime collection. 4000+ dollars worth of stuff…cries. But I have no choice, what is the point of keeping things that I may never watch again when I can sell them and get some kind of return for it? So after looking at Ebay and some other sites that actually buy your used DVD’s (for next to nothing I might add <_<) it was determined Amazon is my friend. I knew I wasn’t going to get what I paid for them and there is the risk no one will buy them but what was it going to hurt to try?
So Amazon lets me set the price allowing me to see what others have theirs listed at and all for a 15% fee at time of sale. They give you 2.98 per listing worth of shipping credit, no big deal but that is about the average shipping costs for USPS. After listing every thing in my collection, it all comes to 2,800 retail or 2,600ish take home (before actual shipping charges). So I might wind up with about 2 grand all said and done. Not bad, but will they sale? After 8 days I have had 18 orders as follows:
Total Payments Received: USD 373.62
Total Payments Canceled: USD 35.98
Total Payment Fees: USD -88.30
Grand Total: USD 321.30
Not bad at all and hopefully the rest will sale just the same. If you are interested here is my storefront! Please help a brother out? lol
My Amazon Storefront
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Evolution
Evolution is an interesting concept…it doesn’t mean the evolving of one organism into completely different one all at once. But it has the implication that one thing progressively changes towards something else little by little. Like a metamorphoses or mutation (mutation doesn’t have a negative connotation even though that is what people normally associated with the term) from a caterpillar into a butterfly. While that is a more drastic change, most evolutionary changes are very minute and fairly unnoticeable until there are enough of them to be seen. I don’t believe the evolutionary theory on the scale Darwin had it but it really makes one think about how we evolve in the various aspects of our lives.
I had always viewed my life in a futuristic tense where all these wonderful things were going to happen in the far off distance, marriage, a house, children of my own…all sometime later...like in 3-4 years. First it was when I am in my 20’s…then it was when I finish college. Now, 25 and finished with college, I still feel that way; like I am still waiting for my life to happen, but I am also rational enough to think…if not now…when? From that, I have realized that while I have worked towards those things, I have given them the unrealistic expectation that they are just going to fall in my lap and thus not capitalized on my life. Life is short, the last 10 years have seemed like moments and it isn’t getting any better.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not running out to buy a house or anything but I am going to work harder then ever to achieve more in my life. Not just the big things like buying the house, however those goals are there, but the little things that we don’t normally focus on as well. A better job, getting out of debt having the things I want, marriage, and even a house are all newly evaluated. Just where to place them? Which lends the question…where is my evolution taking me…yep I am now a monkey <_<
I had always viewed my life in a futuristic tense where all these wonderful things were going to happen in the far off distance, marriage, a house, children of my own…all sometime later...like in 3-4 years. First it was when I am in my 20’s…then it was when I finish college. Now, 25 and finished with college, I still feel that way; like I am still waiting for my life to happen, but I am also rational enough to think…if not now…when? From that, I have realized that while I have worked towards those things, I have given them the unrealistic expectation that they are just going to fall in my lap and thus not capitalized on my life. Life is short, the last 10 years have seemed like moments and it isn’t getting any better.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not running out to buy a house or anything but I am going to work harder then ever to achieve more in my life. Not just the big things like buying the house, however those goals are there, but the little things that we don’t normally focus on as well. A better job, getting out of debt having the things I want, marriage, and even a house are all newly evaluated. Just where to place them? Which lends the question…where is my evolution taking me…yep I am now a monkey <_<
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Death Bed
Well it has been a while…did you miss me? I have been very sick here lately. Friday I started feeling bad after lunch and with only 4 or so hours till I went home I figured I would just tough it out. I am normally not the type of person that gets hot or cold just sitting there at my desk but I started getting colder and colder. To the point I got up and went outside to warm back up (Is in the 90’s here) I didn’t think much about it till about time for me to go home. The fingers on my right hand started going numb O_O
Knowing that when your body gets cold blood circulation to your extremities becomes limited I figured I would drive home and see if it got better by then, if not I was off to the hospital. I drove all the way home with no AC in my 100+ something car…still coldish. My hand did regain feeling but I knew I was bad sick (temp was only 101.3 but I was floored) I curled up in my bed under several blankets and with several layers of clothes x_x
After taking a lot of drugs and staying in bed all weekend (thus missing my Carowinds trip U_U) I at least got my temperature broke. But then my sinuses where clogged up, so I took sinus medicine. That cleared my sinus up but it moved to my chest (where a 300 lbs fat man has been sitting all week) and now I have a cough that feels like I am tossing my lungs out of my chest and yanking them back in every 30 seconds. s_s
So I am going to the doctor today (I hate doctors) mainly because I have been sick like this 3 times this year and normally I only get sick once…I just need to get it all out of my system.
On a side note 100 unique visitors!!! I am impressed that many people actually found my random craziness…I hope that all didn’t go insane.
Laterz
Knowing that when your body gets cold blood circulation to your extremities becomes limited I figured I would drive home and see if it got better by then, if not I was off to the hospital. I drove all the way home with no AC in my 100+ something car…still coldish. My hand did regain feeling but I knew I was bad sick (temp was only 101.3 but I was floored) I curled up in my bed under several blankets and with several layers of clothes x_x
After taking a lot of drugs and staying in bed all weekend (thus missing my Carowinds trip U_U) I at least got my temperature broke. But then my sinuses where clogged up, so I took sinus medicine. That cleared my sinus up but it moved to my chest (where a 300 lbs fat man has been sitting all week) and now I have a cough that feels like I am tossing my lungs out of my chest and yanking them back in every 30 seconds. s_s
So I am going to the doctor today (I hate doctors) mainly because I have been sick like this 3 times this year and normally I only get sick once…I just need to get it all out of my system.
On a side note 100 unique visitors!!! I am impressed that many people actually found my random craziness…I hope that all didn’t go insane.
Laterz
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
